Torn...

I have been getting closer and closer to the end of school... and with it comes that big fat scary word "graduation". To most people it would be a happy word. To me, it is sad. It is sad to leave my school friends and the awesome time I have with them when we are in class. There is a union you have with people who are fighting for the same goal you are, going through the same things to get there...But the biggest sadness is leaving my girls all day to work- I am blessed to have a really wonderful family caring for Bella and Tot while I go to school, Miss Kristin and her daughters are watching the girls and Maggie while I do my hours and that has been SUCH a blessing.. they love going there and cry when I pick them up... (yes it hurts my feelings).

Soo all this to say I am torn about working. I need to get out of this house, I know that... right now that is being satisified by me going to school at night and having one day off a week for myself but soon, I will be done- I go over the changes in my head and feel great, and then I feel sick at the thought of turning over the raising of my children to someone else. I know they will still know their parents and listen to them more so than anyone else, blah blah blah. I also know you can't beat having a mom at home for her kids- who ever said they wished their mom would NOT have stayed home? (No one I know)... so, all this to say... I have a battle going on in my heart and brain.

ALSO- there is Bella. Bella just turned 3. She "needs" preschool at 4... should I just keep her with Miss Kristen or put her in another program? Should she be separated from her sister? (They do NOT like being separated at all). Or am I buying into what our messed up society says children should be like- drowning in peer pressure and becoming more like the children around them... LOL maybe I am answering my questions for myself on here.

I have a year more to think on these things... I have Methods in the fall, student teaching in the spring. Then, grad school for eric and i?... that's another post for another time. Ahh motherhood...